Sunday, December 19, 2010

A job center classic...

So I've been on the dole for around 18 weeks now. 18 fun filled weeks of living off £51.92 or some ridiculous figure like that. It's been a right laugh I have to tell you, spending all that lovely free dosh! I've never been as bored out of my skull in my entire 23 years. I actually admire the wanker who can sponge off the state and not harm themselves or others because seriously they have to withstand days without end of absolutely NOTHING. You get up, you eat, you watch telly, apply for a few jobs, eat again; whilst watching telly, you think about things, you think about nothing.... blah blah etc etc.

To put it neatly IT'S PROPER SHIT.

But this week the Job Center sent me a joke in the post, It must be part of some Christmas scheme to cheer people up and it certainly did amuse me. This week they decided to set me up with a special 18 -25 opportunity. Where basically they get some cheapskate wanker company to employ you at minimum wage on a short-term contract just to get you off benefits for a few weeks. Now this is fair enough and if you are super lucky you could actually gain some good work experience, however, this is England and this is a government run scheme so don't get your hopes up.

So basically they've offered me the following job in Chelmsford, Essex, which is well over 30 miles away from where I live. The job is minimum wage for some Publishing company and advertises itself with the following description:

Experience in an industry that is often difficult to access. Duties: Answering the phone and greeting visitors, processing unsolicited manuscripts, screening and distributing email coming to the info address, preparing readers' reports for agents, liaison with London Metropolitan Archive, updating the website, filing, ordering stationary....(all seeming pretty normal so far but then...) general housekeeping - waste paper baskets, WASHING UP, watering of plants.

So let's weigh up the pro's and con's that will affect my decision regarding this job.

  • It's 30 miles away and includes GENERAL HOUSEKEEPING DUTIES
  • It's 30 miles away and is minimum wage
  • It's 30 miles away and will cost all of my minimum wage salary in transport to get there
  • It's 30 miles away and I don't drive
  • It's 30 miles away
  • It's 30 miles away
  • It's 30 miles away
  • It's 30 miles AWAY!
Oh, and I forgot to mention if I don't accept this job they will be stopping my £51.92 payment from here on. On Thursday I'm going to go to my appointment and kindly inform them where they can shove their 18 -25 opportunity. Right up their anal retentive shithole!

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