Friday, July 24, 2009

Depravity in Doyle's


There were about four 17-year-olds in Doyle's last night... and one women well over the age of consent. The place was pretty dead which always means some degenerate makes a complete disgrace of themselves. (It's usually me) Lucky this night in Doyle's I was actually too drunk to talk to random Brazilians, French or Itinerants. So the social degradation was left up to the woman who I would say was about 27 but had had a 'hard' life...and really looked more like 57! After she dry humped her way through male population on the dance floor she had to start pulling some bigger stunts to keep the attention of the cock-orientated crowd especially once they figured she was an insane crack whore! So in utter horror of everyone who may have had one last grip on reality she whips up her skirt to reveal one of the most hideous pale bottoms I have ever seen and starts gyrating it into some guys crotch... her bare arse on show in front of a room full of people and a horrible arse at that! Like wobbly, pale thong wearing horror! So she basically shows everyone her hole for about 15 minutes till she falls over to the window that looks over street below with her dress still up over her ass proceeds with a serious PUBLIC DISPLAY OF AFFECTION (which I just can't describe to you without having horrible flash backs) with some bloke who I'm not sure she knows all that well. Anyone walking below that window seeing that depravity must of puked into their Burger King...

Put your hole away you hoe.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

l'escargot!

On my walk home from work in the pissing rain I stumbled upon a GROTESQUE sight! A SNAIL CRAWLING OVER DOG SHIT!!!!!!!!!!

I mean Why?

I was going to add a picture but I think I'd vomit every time I logged onto my blog. And MDMA (Mandy) has just made me kill a Moth in her room that quite frankly has been moonlighting as a small bird impersonator. Yuk.

Monday, July 13, 2009

I bashed my head when I woke up...


This lovely pile of rubbish is a reflection of the monstrosity that is Monday.

Twenty-four wankery hours of uncontrollable horse shit. Fuck Off Monday. Yes, I am telling a week day to get the boat back to Hades. I can't name anyone who likes Mondays and if they exist well... Only people who meditate or do yoga could say they like Mondays. And these people are wankers.

You may think 24 hours of horse shit is a bit dramatic and extreme but recalling back to being woken up LATE for work this morning as I jumped out of bed in the most delirious state the first thing I did is smash my head into the sharp sides of my sloping ceiling! So I bashed my head when I woke up and now it seems the day followed trend... today was not my friend. :(

So after a magical day of part-time-student-shit employment... you'd think that you would have paid your 'shit dues' to the Shit God. But apparently no, no the shit god wants to give you some more social bile to deal with! How nice! So he concocts some pile of social horse manure for you to deal with once again. Repetitive and aggravating scenarios to really push the wrong buttons. Is 9 to 5 at a Customer service centre of hell not enough punishment for one day? I have often thought about suing my employers for putting my mental stability at risk. Performing these retarded tasks has left my brain with repetitive strain injury!

But now the repetitive strain injury on my brain isn't just affected by my incredibly numb-skulling job, it is slowly manifesting into my social life. Like fucking Groundhog Day! Oh girls... oh boys. All wankers equally. As leading statistics show being a wanker is no longer gender specific!

But alas as much as today was a VOM ON YOUR MOM castastophe... I can hear the tinkle of a very full wine glass heading my way pretty soonish. Because sobreity was never fashionable in a monotonous town like this. And of course I am back on the sweet sweet Ethanol.

I'll leave you with a few sentiments from some savage punks...

"So dont complain about your useless employment
Jack it in forever tonight
Or shut your mouth and pretend you enjoy it
Think of all the money you've got"

-The Clash