Friday, June 19, 2009
FILTH. Being sober is Filth. There is nothing to be gained from sobriety. You have to watch everyone around you drink themselves into a happy beautiful stupidity and sit there and enjoy the 50 Red Bulls you are going to consume! While you kid yourself into thinking your bypassing one of those 'fucking kill me pleeeeeeeeease' hangovers. No. This is just replaced by a tiredness that makes your eyes weep all day long! It is now 11 am on Friday... and I want one of those sexy, sexy double vodka and cranberries. Alcohol is yummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmy and I miss it!
The first night of sobriety went down a treat!! Like some sort of novelty... I hadn't spent a weekend intentionally sober since 2003 when my admiration for all things blurry and topsy-turvy took hold. Shacked it out till 7am and the abstemious position I found myself in was flooded with entertainment from the drunken crowd! People completely lost cerebral function. It was fantastic! Of course if I had been drunk I too would have been rolling around the floor, choking people and loosing the clarity in speech. But to be honest, for ONE night it was fucking hilarious to watch and even better that I could remember it all the next day. I think someone's wanking stories were the highlight of the night but I'll save them for another blog!
The second night of sobriety: A sophisticated dinner followed by trash monkey behavior in Tamangoes, Full Moon style. The only way to contrive the crazy ecstasy of 17-year-old painted in florescent 'body-art' was to get painted myself and down disgusting amounts of Taurine based piss-poison!!! After roughly 28 minutes and 3 seconds the art of conversation had been blow into a thousand pieces of babbling shit-talk. Half of it was amusing though! Being stabbed in the eye with a broken glow stick leaking nuclear waste was tres funtastico. Cerebral problems were highlighted in UV and under an eerie glow of teeth and eyes most people looked like they'd had a stroke: Especially when they spoke. This was broken up by bouts unadulterated energy that would last aprox 50 seconds before slurring and swaying resumed. Fantastic. Please shoot me if you ever see me go near the place again.
Sleep Deprivation, caused by replacing Ethanol a sleepy intoxication with Red Bull hyper-heart attack intoxication. Cue 45 mins sleep on Wednesday night after trying to survive Tamangoes in sobriety. It's difficult to survive Tamangoes drunk who was I kidding.
Friday, June 12, 2009
I couldn't help but wonder.......... why all my articles started off the same? Would I ever find another opening line? Or was I destined for an over analytical but yet completely brain-dead future? Fuck off Carrie Bradshaw.
So anyway, I couldn't help but wonder (cheeky) why God/Allah/Puppet Master/Vigo Ruler of Carpathia had decided to put a blockers on my drinking habits! I have cruely been struck down with a terrible case of 'You should not drink' from my Doctor. Of course I explained that being a student this was an entirely proprosterous idea and that Vodka, Jaegermeister and cheap wine were all part of my staple diet... the very substance of my being! However, unfortunately the dude has a PHD or something like that which means I'm being forced to follow his advice for the next 30 days. That's four weeks of listening to drunk people whilst being stone cold sober. Fabulous, I just can't wait to try and understand all the slurring and slobbering winos who I can usually converse with quite comprehensibly with a few Hogbombs under my belt!
Oh Ethanol sweet Ethanol...
Alas, I am taking these next few weeks as a small social experiment in which I shall be reporting on weekly if not daily. So my dear, dear, dear commerades do watch out for any little anicdotes about your alcoholic frolics here! I'll help refresh all your debauched antics! :)